Courage Under Fire

Today I was going from blog to blog, browsing my way through cyberspace when I felt prompted to start this new blog, from me, for me, to you.  I chanced upon the new website – www.incourage.me and thought, hey, I want to do this too!  I have a song in my heart to share.

Can I tell you a secret?  My courage is under fire.  Constantly.  Sure I was brave enough to move halfway across the world.  We sold up our belongings and came to America, with our eight pieces of luggage and 10 boxes of belongings, leaving friends and family behind.  I didn’t blink an eye.  I did it all with a peace in my heart and a smile on my dial.    See my family blog for details of my life in general  – thebrownkiwis.blogspot.com.

But now.  My reality is that I am lonely.  My reality is that I am worried for my son who is about to start public elementary school.  My reality is that I hunger for kindred spirits – people that I can cry my eyes out on their shoulder but who can also keep me accountable and talk to me about how my relationship is with God.  And I know all these worries are temporary, and that our God is a BIG God and He has all things in hand.  But that is my reality.  My reality is that I second guess myself and desire to be liked and desire to have people accept me, strange accent and all.

However – even though this is my reality – it doesn’t mean I have to settle for this.  It doesn’t mean that I have to let these negative feelings control me and influence.  My reality may be negative BUT my attitude HAS to be positive.  My attitude has to say ‘Yet in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us’  Rom 8:37. My attitude has to grab a hold of the truths in the bible, the truths that are the very fundamentals of my faith, and cling onto them, when my emotions are all over the place.  I need to ‘Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God’ Phil 4.6.

Yes I feel overwhelmed at times, and yes my courage is under fire at the moment, but as long as I don’t stay in that place, as long as I ask the Lord as the Psalmist did to ‘Lead me to the Rock, that is higher than I’ Psa 61:2.  In my life I have known much blessing – I have the best husband in the world, two amazing adorable little boys, treasured friends and family, and I am living out an incredible adventure at the moment.  Yet I have also known much hurt and pain; miscarriages, infertility, undiagnosed physical pain, constant financial ‘tightenings’ and disappointments in life.  What I do know is that God is always with us, and the higher the mountain, the greater the view…..While my courage may well be under fire at the moment, I refuse to let it stay that way!  Watch this space……..

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5 thoughts on “Courage Under Fire

  1. Wow! I’m so glad you started a blog. Seriously, thank you for joining us at (in)courage and for sharing a part of your story. I think all of our courage is under fire, and sometimes, yeah – Ouch.

  2. you are a phenomenal chick! again and again i am amazed at how cool you are and how full of faith you are. you like so are hte bravest chick i know. i know God is iwth yuo and will continue to be iwth you. praying for awesome chicks in your area to be supernaturally gravitated to you and your family and super connected faster than light!

  3. Yes, so good, “courage under fire.” You are courageous simply to use the “L” word (lonely). I went through a season of loneliness a few years ago (also due to a move) and it was one of the hardest things to admit. I’m praying for even more divine connections for you–both online and face-to-face. Whoever those women are, they will be blessed. It’s clear you have so much to offer as a friend and sister in Christ. And I’m so glad to be (in) with you!

    • Thanks Holley. I love what (in)courage is doing and I know that God is already providing for me good friendships…just takes time…Thank you for all your work with this new site.
      xx

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