Personal Conversations with a Personal God

I’m not very happy Lord.

You don’t say?

I’m really missing my friends and my family.  I cried and cried today when I read that my sister cried at Christmas time because she missed me.  My tough as nails sister who hardly ever admits any weaknesses.  She actually misses me.  And I miss her.  And my dear friends.  Friends who know me inside out.

I know.  Give it some time.  You’re making such great progress.

But it takes work and effort.

I never said it would be easy, but I did say that whoever leaves house or brothers or sisters, mother and father or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s shall receive a hundredfold in this time.

I’m worried about the bills Lord.  Bills we have now and bills we have to come.  We’ve never been in a situation when we haven’t been able to pay our bills.  This time – we see  no earthly way.

You’re talking to the biggest ranch owner in the world Fiona.  In my timing I will make a way.

What about practical things like clothes Lord?  I need new clothes.  I’m not going to fit mine for much longer.

Have you ever gone naked?

No, but.

What happened when you left NZ?  Remember the gifts?

That’s right.  My dear friends pooled together their money and I got to go shopping for ME.  For clothes.


And a gold watch.  That’s right.  Never had one before. I loved it the minute I saw it.

Remember I’m an extravagant God.  You’re definitely a gold girl by the way.  New clothes, I can take care of.

It may help if you stop playing the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ game.

I’m sorry Lord.  Its just there are some things that would be better for us, if we were home in NZ.  My son could really do with some speech language therapy and he would get that free over there.

Am I not a healer and a teacher?  Can you not trust me to give you the skills to help him, and trust me to do my part in healing him?

I really try not to worry Lord.  I really try to cast all my cares unto you Lord.

I know.  But you need to trust me more.

I know Lord.  You brought us here to a new land and you’ve looked after us wonderfully.  It is all a little scary though at the moment.  Our situation has changed.

Yes.  But I haven’t.

Trust in Me.








I’ll try harder Lord.

Everything Has Its Time

To everything there is a season

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born

A time to die;

A time to plant,

And a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill

And a time to heal;

A time to break down,

And a time to build up;

A time to weep,

And a time to laugh

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance”

–  Ecclesiastes 3 : 1 – 5

The above verses are on a poster in an examining room at my obstetrician’s practice.  What a wise man he is – women come to see him not just for pregnancy care, but also for infertility issues, and the full range of all ‘womanly issues’.  The examining room does not have any photos of cute babies and blooming belllies, and I get that.  And I appreciate that.

Not everyone is blessed with children, and not everyone has an easy time ‘getting’ their children.  I don’t claim to understand God’s method in handing out fertility ‘rights’ or ‘abilities’, but I do get what the above verses are saying, and so does my dear doc.

There is a time for everything.  Everything.  God has it all in his hands.  We want to understand it.  We want the full picture – but rarely do we get the full picture – otherwise where is the need for faith and where would we get chances to grow our faith?

At this time of year blogland is full of posts about the wonders of Christmas.  The gifts, the food, the crafts, the family activities, the decorations, the budgets.  It is all there, and for the  most part I love it and embrace it and it is a wonderful thing.

But.  But for some this time of year isn’t so wonderful.  This may well be a time for some people to mourn.  A time for breaking down.  A time for planting.  This is a hard time for so many.  Even as I write bad things are happening to families – changing their Christmasses, possibly forever.

Tomorrow I’ll be  going to the mothers’ group that I go to.  It is a wonderful group of ladies, that I’m slowly getting to know.  There is a time in the group that we announce new pregnancies.  I imagine someone will mention mine along the way……but I want to be sensitive to others in the group – there are others who may be struggling to get pregnant themselves.  I have been one of ‘those’ before.  I guess a good way around that is to not have the focus on me too much – but be interested in others just as much and even more than the questions that may be asked towards me and my pregnancy.

Sensitivity.  That’s what I need.  Perhaps that is what we all need a bit more of at the moment.  Christmas may be joyful and fun, rich in people and love, for you.  But what is it like for your neighbor?  What is it like for your reader who is struggling with depression or loss, a new diagnosis or job loss?

Yes let us remember to put Christ in Christmas, the reason for the season and let’s let nothing take that away from us.  And let us also approach things with an extra dash of sensitivity for those who are hurting.

Comfort from the Storm

Sometime in the night, last night, The Hurricane pattered into our room, declared that he had ‘had a bad dream’ and then he promptly plunked himself into our bed, nestled into me and fell fast asleep.

I snuggled closer into him and breathed his nearly four year old smells.  Fruity shampoo, washing powder on cozy pajamas and that unmistakable smell of a little bit of leakage in the undies department.

You don’t really mind the invasion of the bed, when you know you’re giving comfort and protection.  You’re chasing the badies away from the little minds.  You don’t mind being roused from a deep sleep when you know that all you ever want your child to feel is safe, secure and loved.

I treasure the snuggle moments I have with my boys as I know that all too soon they will be off on their independent ways, and a hug from Mum will be far from their minds.  I’m glad that I can, at the moment, make their world better.

Just as  The Hurricane came to see me, to put right his world, so I can go to God, when my world is out of kilter.  I know I go to God a lot faster and a lot more often when things are wrong in my life and I need to put things right.  Not all the time, but sometimes, this is the case.  But I am learning more and more that this isn’t the way it should be.  I should approach the Throne of Grace with regularity and consistency, regardless of what my circumstances are.

That’s when growth will happen and that’s where I can mature more and more in my walk.

Thank you also for all your love and congratulations and prayers for me too and my pregnancy.  every day I’m feeling stronger and spewing less!

Been a while……

My goodness it has been a while since I’ve done a blog post.  A while indeed.  I actually have an excuse though.  I think it is pretty valid.  It involves me, and my bed and my toilet being inseparable for the last couple of weeks.

Need more clues?

How about me, that good thing that happened to me about three weeks ago and the fact that my life will change drastically in mid July?

Still clueless?

OK.  I’ll stop being cryptic.  I’m pregnant!  Yes, our very much longed for third and final (might I add!) addition to the family is on its way.  We’re over the moon and very grateful to God, that this is happening.   It was something we had to lay down with the move here, and we weren’t sure if it was going to be able to happen while we’re here in America.  But it is, by golly, and even if we leave the country when our time here is up and still owe lots in medical bills – well we’ll just have to pay them from wherever in the world we are!!

But man have I been sick.  Sick sick sick.  Spew spew spew.  Loosing weight, too weak to stand in the shower, have to get my husband to comb and dry my hair sick.  I’m doing drugs now, to help with the nausea, so life is a bit more manageable.  Now to just summon up enough energy to well….to think normally, to Mother normally and to get cracking for Christmas!!

Speaking of Christmas can I just say how delightful it is to celebrate Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere!  It is wonderful to be cold and see snow and to actually be able to see the Christmas lights at nighttime – not to have to wait til 9 or ten at night to see them!  (I’m used to a summertime Christmas – being from the Southern Hemisphere).

It is snowing here in my valley this morning.  I’m grateful to be warm inside.  I’m starting some lists of things I need to do for Christmas, but you know what I don’t have the energy, nor the funds to get too carried away.  So I’m going to concentrate on the very basics.   I’m going to focus on how much I love and appreciate my family – those near and far.  I’m going to tell my friends how wonderful they are and what they mean to me, and how God shines through them.   How each and every one of them affects my life tremendously.   And I’m going to count my many blessings, name them one by one.   Spews and all.