Personal Conversations with a Personal God

I’m not very happy Lord.

You don’t say?

I’m really missing my friends and my family.  I cried and cried today when I read that my sister cried at Christmas time because she missed me.  My tough as nails sister who hardly ever admits any weaknesses.  She actually misses me.  And I miss her.  And my dear friends.  Friends who know me inside out.

I know.  Give it some time.  You’re making such great progress.

But it takes work and effort.

I never said it would be easy, but I did say that whoever leaves house or brothers or sisters, mother and father or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s shall receive a hundredfold in this time.

I’m worried about the bills Lord.  Bills we have now and bills we have to come.  We’ve never been in a situation when we haven’t been able to pay our bills.  This time – we see  no earthly way.

You’re talking to the biggest ranch owner in the world Fiona.  In my timing I will make a way.

What about practical things like clothes Lord?  I need new clothes.  I’m not going to fit mine for much longer.

Have you ever gone naked?

No, but.

What happened when you left NZ?  Remember the gifts?

That’s right.  My dear friends pooled together their money and I got to go shopping for ME.  For clothes.


And a gold watch.  That’s right.  Never had one before. I loved it the minute I saw it.

Remember I’m an extravagant God.  You’re definitely a gold girl by the way.  New clothes, I can take care of.

It may help if you stop playing the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ game.

I’m sorry Lord.  Its just there are some things that would be better for us, if we were home in NZ.  My son could really do with some speech language therapy and he would get that free over there.

Am I not a healer and a teacher?  Can you not trust me to give you the skills to help him, and trust me to do my part in healing him?

I really try not to worry Lord.  I really try to cast all my cares unto you Lord.

I know.  But you need to trust me more.

I know Lord.  You brought us here to a new land and you’ve looked after us wonderfully.  It is all a little scary though at the moment.  Our situation has changed.

Yes.  But I haven’t.

Trust in Me.








I’ll try harder Lord.


5 thoughts on “Personal Conversations with a Personal God

  1. wow, your honesty is so great! I love it because I too think like this & it’s “nice” (not the the right word) to know that friends are also thinking similar thoughts. It certainly isn’t easy . . . in some aspects we are in similar boats . . . we pray that God does his thing & that you find peace 🙂 love you xxx

  2. I’m sad that you are sad and lonely here in the states. I have not had the adventure of living in another country, so I cannot share your feelings. But I can pray that God will make his presence known to you and give you peace.

  3. The Cure for Loneliness
    By Charles F. Stanley

    How do you handle loneliness? Some people try to numb the pain with drugs or alcohol. Others escape through television, videos, the Internet, or other media. But when loneliness engulfs us, the first thing we must do is turn our focus toward God, not toward what we lack.

    The truth is, we can’t be alone once we place our trust in Jesus Christ. By receiving Him into our life as Lord and Savior, He comes to dwell within us and establish an eternal, inseparable bond. In the same way that sap flows through a vine and its branches, the love of God flows in and through us as we abide in Him, and He in us (John 15:1-9).

    The depth of our relationship with the Lord depends largely on us. How much do we desire to know Him and be filled with His Holy Spirit? Do we allow Him to reveal His will and presence in our daily lives? Jesus is always with us, desiring to be ever closer. But we must seek Him daily to experience the fullness of the life He promises.

    In the Beginning
    In the creation story of Genesis 1-3, we see that God desires fellowship with human beings. He says, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness” (1:26)—a likeness complete with the capacity to long for companionship. That intrinsic longing in humankind to seek the Creator and yearn for Him in the inner recesses of the heart is a reflection of God’s desire for humankind.

    Throughout the Old Testament, we see the Lord reaching out to His people—revealing Himself and desiring to know and be known by them. The Father’s heart is for companionship, fellowship, and communion with those who will respond to Him in like manner.

    The New Testament describes how Jesus developed close relationships with a group of men we call the apostles. He promised to send them a Comforter, or Helper—the Holy Spirit—who would never leave them, and who would be not only with them but in them (see John 14-16). This close communion with the Lord is something we can count on, even if everyone else abandons us.

    In His final words to the disciples, Jesus promised, “Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (see Matthew 28). He wanted the men to know with certainty that God remained closer to them than the air they breathed. Though they would feel lonely at times, they wouldn’t ever be alone again.

    Turning to Jesus
    We might ask the question posed in Romans 8:35: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?” The apostle Paul provides the answer: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (vv. 38-39).

    It’s not possible to be alone once the Spirit of God dwells within us. We can, however, experience tormenting feelings of emptiness, fear, or desperation. But these emotions are subject to how we respond to them. For example, if we let our feelings drive us away from the Lord, we will experience less intimacy with Him. Or our troubled heart could spur us on toward greater intimacy with Christ. The choice belongs to you and me.

    When we turn to Jesus, we acknowledge our utter dependence on Him to fulfill our every need, emotional or otherwise. We invite the Lord to reveal His presence to us and take away our loneliness.

    If you have trusted Jesus as your Savior, He is your Friend of Friends. Christ, who is “the same yesterday, today and forever” will always be with you (Heb. 13:8). Seek the One who promised never to leave or forsake you.

    Adapted from “The Source of My Strength,” by Charles F. Stanley, 1994. pp. 13-16.

  4. I love this conversation you had with our Lord!! I’ve had it, too, many times! : ) In some ways, I know how you feel. Although My family is only 1,000 miles away and not a whole continent away, at times they might as well be. I go through many seasons of homesickness (and I’ve lived this far from home for nearly 6 years). Every time, though, God reminds me that He is more than enough.

    Praying for you!

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